


Road Trip

by Amoridere



Series: One-Shots [5]
Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Inappropriate Humor, Noodle Incidents, On Hiatus, Only sane man, Road Trips, Some Humor, good parents, switching POVs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 04:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4045156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amoridere/pseuds/Amoridere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Kiryuuins and their secretary opts to take a vacation and some hilarity ensues</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro and the Road Trip

It wasn't a thing we did often but, when we did, we did. Mother suggested we'd go on a road trip this summer and that it'd be rather nice, especially since she had long grown bored with not doing much of anything, especially since that one time, to which Dad and the secretary apologized for. Naturally, Dad agreed, saying, "It could be nice for the children after all to get out of the house and, frankly, we haven't gone anywhere since our third honeymoon slash family vacation, which ended with us being banned from at least three hotels and a hospital trip."

My father wasn't incorrect and what had us banned from three hotels we'd swore that we'd never speak about it again, although Ryuuko had something to do with it. Of course, more often than not, that one time, aside from the other time Mother accused someone of giving her the evil eye (again), was the reason we didn't go on vacations, as there was no telling that it or similar incidents wouldn't happen again.

After some time, they agreed we would go on a road trip, however, it was also agreed upon that Mako could come and that we were going on a road trip. It was a new sort of trip and one we hadn't taken before, so the announcement came with surprise. "Darlings," Mother summoned us into the kitchen, "we have an announcement and that is we're going on a road trip." to which Ryuuko celebrated by screaming, "Hells yeah!" in which case she recieved a smack to the forehead. "Anyway," Dad began, "we're going to bring Mako with us." which elicited Nui saying, "Not 'Mushpants' Mako!"

Mako had earned that nickname because she had a particularily nasty habit of deficating on herself, however, at the same time, she had earned that nickname when she was very little, small enough to fit in my hands and have sleeves that covers her hands little, that, and "mushpants" was one of the first things she's said and she said that referring to herself. Of course, fair became foul and foul became fair, in which case, a nasty name from Nui became something affectionate. Aside from being called "Mushpants" by Nui, she is very much loved by our family, so it was fitting that she'd come along with us on our road trip.

The next day, our bags were packed and we were loaded into an RV. At first, I thought we were going to ride in the stationwagon but, since Mako was joing us, we had to use that as so not stop for bathroom breaks, as stationwagons don't have bathrooms. After my parents listened to Mako's parents giving them a set of instructions, we were on our way.

No sooner than when we left, Dad asked, "Alright, which one you guys pooped your pants?" We gave no answers, however, none of us deficated in our trousers but Mako stepped out of the bathroom, saying, "It's really bad this time, you might want to clean it up." After putting up with the smell for a long time, we made a quick stop to clean the damn thing, during which, a sleepy Rei had mistakenly urinated in our cleaning bucket before spilling it, leaving us to disinfect and air out the vehichle

Once that was done and when we pulled off, we had realized, after being over several miles away, that we had left Mako and Ryuuko. It didn't take us long to realize that, while we were cleaning, the two decided to go on a little adventure to amuse themselves, thus forgotten in our haste. Quickly, we went back to where we were, wanting no more than to find her. To our upset, we didn't find them, leaving us to wonder where they were.

Where on earth could they have gone?


	2. Meanwhile....

"Mush, mush, mush, mush, mush." Mako said, as she waddled. "Mush" was her favorite word and, honestly, being best friends with her made our, as Sats would call it, prediciment more interesting (Sats, always usin' them fancy words). Cleaning was going on and we wanted to go on a little adventure, of course, we didn't expect for to be left before we could get back to them. Mako saying "Mush" did lighten my mood and make the adventure a little better but that doesn't change the fact we have nowhere to go, nothing besides what was in Mako's teddy bear backpack, and we sure as hell don't know where the hell we are.

After waddling around, saying her favorite word over and over again, Mako stopped and said, "I think we should hitch a ride and go find 'em." Mako comes up with the craziest ideas, although, due to our circumstance, it seemed to be a good one. As soon as we saw a pickup truck stop, we climbed in the back and waited. **_VROOooom!_** The car sped off, tossing us around like pancakes on a frying pan. To make it worse, Mako peed a little and I felt as thought my head was going to explode. It didn't take much else for her to say, "Not the best idea in the world."

We were driving for hours before stopping at what I thought to be a truck stop. Naturally, we got out and decided to find a place where we could find a place to have a lie down. As snuggled close, I asked Mako, "Do you think Mommy's worried about us?" to which she said, "Of course, she is and, one day, before this trip is over, they'll find us."


	3. "Oh dear...."

Mother was pacing around nervously. It was nighttime and her nervous pacing was keeping us awake. Dad was trying to calm her down, reassuring her that we'll go to the police and report the two missing, however, while it did take some of the edge off, it didn't entirely diminish her worry, actually, she felt the need to hit Rei in the head with a potato, which lead to suggestion of, "Maybe she'd like cup of tea with a few Valiums or maybe she'd like three glasses of sherry." Dad shot daggers at the droopy-eyed secretary before going back to comfort her.

Be this as noted, while she does have a slew of eccentricities, she lacks very much with coping skills, then again, she hasn't really learned any besides mentally regressing and pacing back and forth. After some time, she quietly asked for a hug, although, while she calmed down some, she did go to fling another potato at the secretary. Aside from throwing potatoes at Rei (last time, it was batteries), she was mainly calm, calm enough to hear Dad out. While she did hear him out, she did express her overall dislike of the police and law systems in general, then again, she has reasons to be considering a police officer did beat her up and another unloaded a magnum on her for no apparent reason.

After a bit of deliberation, we went to the police department with recent photos of Mako and Ryuuko and a missing children's report was placed. Pretty soon, it was all over the television and radio about two missing girls


	4. Bailin' on the Cops and Getting Hit with a Belt

Who would have thought we'd end up on _Cops_? Well, no one did, as we were on _Cops_ with a high-speed chase. We've spent over four hours being chased before being rammed into a wall, which hurled us about three feet from the car. Once we managed to recover ourselves, we went to go and steal another car, which made us crash into bar, which in turn lead for us to drive through buildings, until we bailed and snuck into the basement of an apartment bulding.

Of course, we didn't know what the cops would do to us, so we hid in vacant apartment with an broken door. Good thing, too, as Mako had to go bathroom, however, I had to go elsewhere to do my stuff as Mako made that bathroom unusable, actually, I think it killed that nest of cockroaches (the vacant apartment is a crappy one).

Unwittingly, this had gotten me in a bit of trouble when some old bitch found me peeing in one of her flower pots and whacked me pretty hard in the face with one of her belts. Well damn, old bitch shouldn't have gotten a flower pot that looks like a crapper. Maybe I shouldn't have told her that to her face as she started to whack me even more with the belt. Twice in the face and three times in the thighs and ass as I was pulling up my pants.

She chased me all over that apartment building until I made it back our hiding place. Mako, not gonna lie, asks too many damn questions for her own good.  Neverth'less, I had to answer and then tell her to be quiet, as, if she had screamed out loud, we would be found and that old bitch would beat us both. 

 

I sure hope those marks in my legs don't leave anything permanent.   


End file.
